No way will I come back to this human bordello (2005)
Wednesday 21 September, 2005, 9h30. The human body is a war machine with more stamina than any other war machine. Myself I trust in the resistance of the body that God gave me to allow myself to go through the rings of the life cycle. In my misfortune, I am also lucky that my body is quite resilient to AIDS, there are lots of people who die of AIDS in the world. I fight on, I fight against it because I love life, nobody can remove AIDS from my body, maybe they have already found a cure for it but they prefer to keep it at the moment. Me, I have learnt to live with AIDS for the last 15 years, I had ups and downs but at the end I am still here amongst the living, I am not yet lying down in a little white pine box and nobody is coming yet to lay flowers on my grave. This day will come but it’s not for now.
In the course of my life, I have not directly been confronted with death, both my parents are alive, I have not lost any of my brothers or sisters, or friends. I dread terribly the day my parents will go away to meet God, but at least they would have lived a long time on this planet. That day I will probably be very sad, I will ask myself if I have been a good son to them and if I have made the best of their presence when they were alive and amongst us. You must not reject death, as it is also part of our life, like two sisters looking alike, one is white, the other is black. These two sisters love each other very much and hold respect for each other. Us human, we are only modest passing clients because death follows life and it is an eternal begining since time began. To say or hearing people say that they are not afraid of dying is stupid, and most of all it is not true. God made us like living machines to evolve as good or bad (this is not the point) and not to let us die or wait for death, which does not come necessarily immediately. Death must wait for God’s sign to take us far away to his country. In fact we talk of the Angel of Death, the Angel of Life, the angel etc etc.
There is almighty God. There is the Angel of Life and the Angel of Death. After there is the rest of the house of God. I do not know them all, so sorry if I stop there. I have learnt that many things go in pairs. There is the illness and the cure. There is life and death. There is separation and union. There is love and hate. There is stupidity and intelligence. The list is long, then why worry about it ? to be first everywhere and in everything. I try to live well and for a long time then when death will come, I’ll let her take me and take me away to her kingdom hoping that she will give me some treats that I have not had as a human being.
I am waiting to be presented to and received by God with the honour owed to a great warrior, I deserve this. I will not need to speak in details of my life, my strengths and weaknesses. Frankly until now, I have not killed anyone in my life and if it could stay as it is the better. In my opinion, when I will kick the bucket, the guardian angels, in their best interest, better not piss me off. No way, would I come back on earth to do another turn, I easily give my seat to any nutcase who has not yet had its dose of it. Even if the angel said : In your next life you will be handsome, rich and in good health for the duration of your life, I would answer : No way, I am coming back to this human bordello. I am not interested to repeat again and again the same mistakes, earth I had enough. I have been sent to a planet, a planet without morons, this I rather prefer. I don’t mind being changed into a flying elf in the magic forest of Martialand with the motto : At Martialand we have everything as long as you need nothing, all at an unbeatable price. Finally, if I must be pissed off, it may as well be on this one because after my life I expect not to be obliged to do what I do not wish to do. They say that we will be bodyless spirits, they say that I will be faster than the speed of light and faster that the sound barrier. I live only to find out if it is true, no more pain in the legs, now I am where I want to be, no need for passport or custom checks, I go through and fuck you.